Miss Watson's Christmas Stockings
by bravehearttegan
Summary: In which Watson attempts to keep the Watson family Christmas going. WARNING, total Christmas sugar sweetness, not for straight-laced ACD fans or serious readers.


Christmas

I had sat next to my husband with a definite objective, yet surrounded by so many boxes, reels of bright ribbon and sheets of brown paper, that objective was fast becoming doubtful. His intentions however had been elsewhere from the beginning and the fact that I was on the floor was distracting him even further.

"Will you stop that, it tickles and why are you behaving so badly?"

"It is Christmas Jane."

"Really, I thought you hated Christmas?"

"Yes-well perhaps there was something in that punch?" (He had placed a hand on my ankle and it was slowly moving upwards.)

Oh really? Well you can jolly-well swim in the stuff for all I care, god-knows you are of little use here."

"How can you be so cold-hearted on a fellow, especially your devoted husband?"

"Do I have a 'devoted husband'? What does he look like and where have you been hiding him all these years?"

"And where have you hidden my devoted wife? I do not approve of this Ice Queen in her place."

"It is a odd juxtaposition indeed, we both know my heart is always on the fiery side and yours often needs stoking. However Christmas is always different," (I paused to pinch at his hand, it had advanced through my skirts far too thoroughly for my liking and there was no time for frivolity, especially when work had to be done.)

"Ouch! That was unfair."

"Taking liberties is unfair."

"Well Christmas according to Jane Hillary Watson is unfair, I have yet to solve its mystery," he kicked at a roll of ribbon. "Indeed these rituals seem important only to yourself, the rest of us are nonchalant about the date."

"Which is the very reason I try so hard to change matters, Christmas should be wonderfully special."

"If you relaxed a little more it could be rather wonderful for us both, indeed I will do my upmost to make it special."

"No-one 'relaxes' at Christmas, it is about extreme emotions."

"'Extreme emotions' can only cause chaos, what is required is an average display of interest, here let me demonstrate."

"Stop it! At least bother to shave before you inflict yourself on people."

"No, still the Ice Queen."

" Christmas should be about giving and not taking, about family and about tradition, yes there should be lots of that."

"What?'

"'Christmas and tradition, (here hold that end of the ribbon while I cut,) Christmas should be a time to follow family traditions and to even create new ones."

"Boring."

"Poppycock, tradition keeps this great nation of ours going, both Mycroft and yourself would be lost without tradition."

"Routine and logic are different, I adhere to those; the working patterns created by a well ordered society keeps it functioning, however your little whimsical tasks and these rituals are indeed nonsensical and are frankly bewildering to both myself and the children."

"There is truth to that." I looked about the carpet somewhat depressed, "I see absolutely no point in wrapping up the presents if the children deduce them right off, a complete waste of rather expensive ribbon and paper. Do you realise Sherry only has to hold his gifts to know what is inside? Violet has taken to sparing my feelings by pretending she has no idea what hers are and makes a dreadfully poor attempt at being surprised, whereas Peter just shakes at the parcels and listens until we let him open them for fear of damage."

"Notice the little scoundrel prefers to use his ears to investigate, mind you they are rather big."

"There is nothing wrong with Peters ears, they are beautiful … both of them."

"Beauty aside, they are very accurate, far better than mine and he can hear details form tens of meters away; we need to be careful with that."

"You are digressing Holmes, why is Christmas so difficult to keep at Baker Street?

"Well, you have been 'hoist by your own petard' Jane. You drag our entire family though Christmas because it was a 'tradition' in your family, insisting we accept this as normality and to us it is not. I will tell you now, the Watsons idea of Christmas is far too inflexible and from my own perception it is somewhat garish and even expensive."

"A Watson knows how to celebrate Christmas properly, the Holmes's idea of fun would be to analyse the temperature of the snow outside.'

"Jane you underestimate the historical influence the Watsons have had on the Holmes's idea of amusements, now put that down, come over here and let me demonstrate how much fun our clan can have with yours -ow-ow-ow, what the devil?"

"What have you knelt on? That was defiantly a snapping sound, if you have broken something Sherlock Holmes there will be hell to play!"

"I am not quite sure, one would have difficulty ascertaining the whereabouts of shotgun discharge under all this paper, I rather think I have knelt on something sharp."

"Here, let me look… Oh dash-it! That is the buckle on Violet's scabbard, you have ripped it right off! You are impossible, just sit over there."

"Nonsense look, it is easily repaired, a bit of stitching will solve it."

"And who will do that?"

"Watson the needle."

"I assume you mean a sewing needle? "

"Yes and if I solve this will you defrost a little."

"No give it here, your stitching is dreadful."

"No more so than yours, look… these accumulating holes in my socks are testimony to your hopelessness at needlework."

"That is not fair! I _need_ to repair them and no matter how poorly, else you would walk about with just holes and nowhere to put your toes. For a meticulous fellow Sherlock Holmes you are rather careless about the etiquette of socks."

"Perhaps we could call on Mrs Hudson's skills?"

"And have her lecture me on being a 'proper wife' to my 'poor wee husband.' Besides Mrs Hudson has made several attempts at us being more independent. Look, she has actually left a sewing needle on the toe of your Persian slipper, though I rather think she hoped that it would discourage you from smoking so much."

"Yes, I have several more holes as a result," he held up his beautiful hands as proof. "Here is that same needle, now where is the thread?"

"Second draw to the left of my desk, by all means do try to repair your damage."

He sat, one eye squeezed shut and laboriously attempted to thread the needle, then finally achieving his objective he ran back to the mantelpiece, filled a pipe and collapsed exhausted because of it all. "I have had quite enough of this parcel wrapping old-girl, perhaps I could hold the presents while you work?"

"Very well, if you promise to keep your hands and mouth to yourself." I held the scabbard in the air, "pass me the sword"and then I whispered to myself, "_however am I to disguise this with paper_?"

"Your hand is far mightier Jane, though it is more of a 'foil' than a 'sword.'" He picked it up and proceeded to gauge it's weight. "You should encourage Violet's interest in writing, her vocabulary is already quite extensive and yet her hobbies are becoming quite shocking for a young lady. En-garde!" (He now proceeded to lunge and then to enthusiastically parry.) "Do you know she can beat her elder brother at bartitsu?" After a quick exchange ending in an impressive riposte his imaginary opponent retreated and Holmes promptly followed him by jumping the sofa.

"Do put that down, one is not supposed to play with the presents, they are for the children."

"I am merely 'testing' it."

"Yes and you have been testing Peter's miniature engine since we picked it up at Liberty's."

"Shush!"

"I beg your pardon-" it was then I heard what had alarmed his quicker senses. There was a noise somewhere within the house. A door slammed in the distance. "Good-GOD, was that the front door?"

"Yes, they are home already." He had made a quick and somewhat valiant attempt to gather all the presents in one place, "I can hear them on the stair."

"Dash-it, just shove them under the cushions."

"Not the cushions, that is far too obvious, grab what you can and hide behind the curtains, if we are absent they will soon get board and go upstairs."

"The curtains? Not again, what is this fascination you have with dragging me behind curtains? Actually hand-holding behind curtains occurs quite frequently in our relationship."

He just looked at me red faced and smiled.

"There is no time for this Sherlock, give me those gifts."

"What and have you hide them somewhere ridiculous."

"That is Sherry on the landing, just hand them over now."

"No, I am not entirely convinced handing them to you is a wise option-."

"GIVE THEM TO ME!"

"Here, but it is too late old-girl."

" Not if I do this…."

"Ah-Sherrington, there you are and home somewhat early."

My eldest son threw his coat and then himself onto an armchair, "yes father, Peter got us all banned again, we have now been escorted by the Police from two parks in as many weeks. I do so wish we could keep him at home."

"And have him cause chaos here, no it is far more convenient that he inconveniences yourself and others elsewhere, it gives your mother and myself some temporary relief. Well come along Peter out with it, let us all hear of your inexcusable conduct."

"It wasn't nothink Papa. You said we should look at things before we played with them."

Sherrington threw his coat at his brother, "he was warning us about small boxes contaminated with deadly diseases and not about interfering with machinery Podgy, he broke a Carousel."

My husband promptly picked up our youngest and lifted him on his shoulders, "well done old-boy! A spanner in the works?"

"No, just pulled a big stick, it was ever so strong."

"You pulled the break lever while the ride was at full speed, we were lucky no one was hurt, Violet was on that ride."

"No casualties Peter, better still. However in future do try to ascertain the whereabouts of your siblings before you strike."

"Please stop encouraging him and do put him down, I-say Sherry where have you left your sister? I shall be rather miffed if you have forgotten her again."

"We never 'forget her' mother, she wanders off, it is annoying."

"It is called 'exploring' and you have ignored my question."

Holmes had stepped neatly over me, his long spidery legs easily avoiding my skirts and deposited Peter on an armchair next to his brother, "calm yourself, if I am not mistaken she is in the hallway outside and attempting to inconspicuously feed Gladstone treats. I can distinctly hear her hushing him while he slobbers on Mrs Hudson's rug."

"Why are you sitting down dare mama?"

"You are a dunce Podgy, she is not 'sitting' but placed strategically, she has not moved and is obviously hiding something from us." Sherrington sat forward in his chair and examined me intently, his fingertips coming together and his pale blue eyes narrowing, "it is clearly under her skirts, see how the material is all displaced. She has our Christmas presents under there. Of course Father is pretending not to notice and is rather vexed that she is being so transparent.."

"But badly done hiding is much more better than not doing nothink at all."

Violet had now quietly entered the room and yet quickly contributed to the conversation, "it is often wise to take a breath, or indeed a pause after the use of an introductory word Peter, especially if you intend to follow it with jumbled adverbs, pronouns and double negatives. Taking a breath will give you time to construct sentences properly in your head." Her brother responded by breathing heavily and then coughing, meanwhile she melted gracefully onto the sofa and adjusted her skirts. "Mother is only protecting our interests, she always puts others before herself." Her grey eyes danced with amusement, "are you going to sit there all evening Mama, we will retire upstairs if you wish?"

It was blatantly obvious no-one wanted to move, Holmes had slipped to the fireplace for a coal to light his pipe, Sherry sat back and gazed down at me, while Peter sat poking at a hole in the armchair. Therefore there was a tangible silence while I attempted to think of something intelligent to say, eventually Holmes took out his pipe and asked; "well Watson?"

"Yes, I am keeping the presents nicely hidden, unlike last year." I shifted uncomfortably and pushed aside the scabbard, (although I do wish you removed a needle in one of them Holmes.) You must all realise that your father would have left them out, resulting once more in no surprises come Christmas morning. I understand the concept of a 'surprise' is contrary to all your deductions and reasoning, but please take my word for it, surprise can be both positive and joyful. In my experience, all normal people enjoy a nice surprise or two on Christmas morning and we shall all jolly-well behave normal for once. With that in mind everyone should be grateful and thank me for sitting right here and yes, I will remain here until you are all gone… and for your own good."

They all now turned to their father and he just shrugged, "there is no use asking me for a translation, I am merely related to her by marriage. You have all unfortunately inherited some of her characteristics and therefore should empathise with her reasoning more effectively."

Sherrington shook his head, "it is not her reasoning but her conclusions I can never understand."

"Nor me old-chap."

"Indeed, why did you marry her?"

"Well, at the time it seemed the logical thing to do."

ooooo0000000OOOOOOOO0000000ooooooo

Just a simple, candy-floss, silly treat for Christmas…. Totally and shamelessly sweet stuff. Worried it is not to everyone's taste, so I created a separate area for this type of story.

Top marks for those that spot where I lifted those final words from, (not SH, but another genre and one of my favourite TV episodes of all time.)

So in here are tributes to loads of other sources, or in other words I pinched bits from everywhere and wrote them down word for word. We have some ACD, then BBC Sherlock, some Sheldon Reynolds TV, bits of Granada TV, a final line from the Basil Rathbone films and others, including references to my favourite fanfic in here…

Merry Christmas to one and all.


End file.
